Tuesday, March 24, 2009

(To be read aloud in a Julia Child voice)

Here's another one from the archives: Peanut-butter M&M cookies, with grouchy commentary.


I think we've all had a tough day today - I know I have.

So take some time for yourself this evening, and soothe that aching tummy and head by pouring yourself a glass of wine and settling down to some baking. Don't you love baking?

Tonight, since the IBS is acting up after a stressful day, I think we'll make something easy - both on the intellect *and* the gut. I think other sufferers out there will agree with me when I say that a good cure for the daily aches is a high-fat, high-chocolate treat that's fun to eat! (/sarcasm)

So, dear readers, I present you with dithie's not-so-famous-but-nonetheless-yummy no-fail peanut-butter m & m cookies, adapted from that down-to-earth baking blog, kraft.com.

1 cup PB
1 cup butter*
1 cup white sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2.5 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
.5 tsp salt.
3-6 packets of peanut M & Ms

1. Pour yourself a large glass of wine and take three Midols. This step is crucial.
2. Preheat your oven to 350 F or 180 C.
3. Admire your KitchenAid mixer. It's important for it to feel appreciated before you begin.
4. Go to the deppanneur and get butter. I can't believe you forgot to get butter.
5. Soften the butter and cream it together with the PB and sugars.
6. Taste the batter. It's important to taste the batter at every stage.
7. Add in vanilla and eggs. Mix in well.
8. Pretend salmonella is a figment of your mother's imagination and taste the batter again. At this stage, it should be shiney and beyond delicious.
9. Walk to the pantry and knock over your recycling bin.
10. Avoiding the spilled cans and papers, reach for the flour and add it, with the other dry goods, into the delicious PB batter.
11. Taste the batter. Make sure it is delicious. If it is delicious, it is now time to add the M & Ms. If not, taste again until sure.
12. Form perfect little balls of dough with your hands and place them on oiled cookie sheets. Place them at awkward distances from each other, so that you are not sure if, when they bake, they will smoosh together into a Giant Cookie. This adds to the excitement, and is good for your tummy.
13. At this point, you may need to refill your wine glass. Don't worry, I'll wait.
14. Press the cookies down with forks.
15. Bake the cookies with the oven light on. Don't set the timer; just watch them until they look kind of golden, then take them out and look at them. Alternately, you may choose to watch a few minutes of an episode of Buffy. In that case, watch until they figure out that something bad is going to happen, and then take the cookies out. It should be about 10 minutes, depending on the season.
16. Instead of reusing the old pans, get out new cookie pans and put in another batch. This way, there are more dishes to do later.
17. After the pans are cool to the touch, try to find somewhere to cool the cookies. Good luck, because your counter space is probably limitied. I know mine is! Settle for various random surfaces.
17.5. You may have noticed that your cookies have, in fact, glommed into Giant Cookie. Do not let this distress you. Instead, simply mash apart the cookies with your spatula, and pretend that they look just as beautiful as you had imagined.
18. Attempt to eat a cookie and burn your tongue. Patience, patience!
19. At this point, the wine and the midol should have kicked in, and your tummy should feel slightly better. Once this has happened, return to your episode of Buffy, if watching.

* note the butter content: so far, 1:1 with sugar.

Digg Technorati Delicious StumbleUpon Reddit BlinkList Furl Mixx Facebook Google Bookmark Yahoo


  1. Hilarious, especially steps 12 and 15 :D I've bookmarked about 15 of your recipes tonight!!!